Fickle Me or Frightened Me?

Isn't it usually that we are screwed for our future relationships by exes that have screwed us in the past?

I think I may have proven this false. Thanks to me falling in love with my best friend, all the men that go before me seem to be doomed. In all of my previous relationships I have been the one to do the fixing, to show them that there are good women out there, lifting them up, only get screwed in the end. Well here is the first guy to show me that there are good guys out there. Holding my hand, taking me out and showing me that there are guys out there that can treat a girl right. Being everything that I have ever wanted. Yes he has his faults but who doesn't. I know I sure do. I fell so hard and deep and I am scared that I cannot get out. I am worried that I am destined to be alone. That every man that comes before me is set up for instant failure. If they say the wrong thing, you’re out. If you act a certain way you are out. If you can’t be him you, are out. In our almost three years of friendship he was always the one saying that he isn't going to be in a relationship, then what happens he freaking falls for a girl.... AND IT SUUUURE AS HELL WASN'T ME. So here I am in love with a man that doesn't love me. I am trying to get out there and meet guys and all they want is sex. I am not a freaking slut. I don't open spread eagle for just anyone guys. aaaahh... I feel like this is more of a rant than anything and it is making no sense. So what was the straw that broke the camel’s back....

I started talking to this guy yesterday that I met online (was that my first mistake?). He was the first guy I met online that actually made me laugh, we hit it off. Well today I mentioned that since he has gotten to see my pictures that he should email me some of him. His response,
“The only ones I have are racy".
“Well that just won’t do, lol" I answer back
":-(", his texts back.
"What is that face for?" I ask.
“Because I wanted racy pictures of you"
All I could answer back was “I may be outgoing but I am not that outgoing"

ARE YOU SERIOUS? It just gets so freaking frustrating. I just want love, someone to love me. The greatest gift someone can give someone else is love, and that is all I want. I don't need fancy wrapping or bows, I just want that raw no holds bar, love me for me love. Just put it in your hand, outstretch it to me and say it not much, but it’s all I have. That’s all I want.

I am sick of guys not knowing how to treat a woman. Why did my bestie have to raise the bar so damn high? Is there anyone out there that can grab this bar, take it in his hand and ask "is this all you have? This isn't shit".

Am I being to fickle. Am I failing these guys without even giving them a shot on purpose? Am I thinking that if I stay single, if it fails between him and his new girlfriend that he will come to me? GOD AM I THAT STUPID!! If he didn't want me when he could have had me, what makes me think that he will want me later on down the road.

Some girls have all the damn luck. Maybe that's why I am still single and haven't won the lottery yet. Cause I don't have any luck.