Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Love or Lust? Pick your poison..

Love and lust, which is the lesser of two evils? Being loved with always having the fear that they will walk out the door, but having everyday of your life filled with happiness and joy? Or is it lust, having the feeling of being wanted and having the peace of mind because you already know that they are going to walk out the door, but knowing however that the happiness is fleeting.

Lust is easy for me, love is hard..... Lust is exciting but love is scary. I usually venture out to where the fear lies. I’ll go hunt what goes bump in the night. I will sit there in the dark and wait for something unexplainable to happen. I will go on the scariest roller coaster rides out there, to feel the fear beat through my veins. To scream so hard that my voice is coarse.

Love though, L O V E. That’s the scariest thing out there, scariest thing I have ever felt. Once you let love in, and once you give it out, god that is fear, for me at least. When I love someone, I love them with all my heart, being, fiber and soul of me. I literally surrender myself to that person. I jump out with arms outstretched praying that I am caught. Praying that those arms will hold me, embrace me and protect me.

Lust, L U S T however, this is easy. It doesn’t involve your heart. It is all pleasure. Nothing expected from you. The only things that fall are the clothes to the floor. Nothing expected but a good time and a happy ending. Your heart only beats faster from anticipation of the next movement.


I have fallen in love, I have felt lust. I have been loved and I have been lusted after. I want to fall in love again. I want someone to fall in love with me again. I want to feel lust from the one that I love. I want to have no makeup on and be loved for just being me. I want to be lusted by the one I love because he loves me for me.

But how do I let go of this fear? Is it like the roller coaster ride? Do I just surrender control? Do I just pray that the harness that is holding me in is strong enough for what is to come? Do I scream all the way down or do I just close my eyes and fall and enjoy the ride?

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